I had a friend recently ask me what my goals were this year. She asked me if I had a motto or a word representing the year. I laughed internally at her question because the past me would already have had a training meeting with a dozen or more women and men talking about goals and how to set them. That has been a huge part of my life for a while now and normally my response to someone would be, YES! Of course I do! Here, let me send you my sheet and a picture of my vision board!
And yet here I was. Without a plan, without a goal, and without a vision board for 2021. The truth is that 2020 hit me like a battering ram. Over and over and over again. Thump! Thump! Thump! As an empath I was not only dealing with my own stress and worries for my family, but feeling and soaking in all of the emotions from those around me. Have you ever watched a pole being hammered into the ground? That is how I felt most of the year. Except I was the pole being burrowed deep into the ground.
Before I make you feel all gloomy and sad with the heaviness of my words I have to share something that will feel almost impossible. 2020 was quite possibly one of the most important years of my life! Throughout the year even during the times of anguish, turmoil, pain, and intense anger... I have felt a closeness to the Holy Ghost that I hadn't felt in a while. Not just a touch of comfort or inspiration here and there, but a consistent feel of His love, guidance, and teachings. When I served a mission for my church back in 2001 I learned quickly to love the continual guidance of the Holy Ghost. In fact by the end of my mission I almost took it for granted. Since that time I have cherished the times in my life where inspiration came readily. I recognize that the Holy Ghost has worked most in my life at times when I was actively seeking Him out and worthy of His help. 2020 was a good year for being humbled! It felt like every week was something ominous and even scary. I found myself on my knees more and looking forward to direction and guidance from Jesus Christ by means of the Holy Ghost.
It was also a year of much contention and noise! I don't know if anyone has ever lived in a louder generation. Let me explain. Loudness for me comes in the form of energy. Because of our access to phones, tv, people, watches, radios, ipads, computers and more! We barely have an opportunity for quiet. I have understood more this year what it must have felt like to be the late prophet Joseph Smith Junior who said that he was so confused as to which church was true because there were so many of them and they each pulled him in different directions and professed to be true. It is for this reason that Joseph hiked to a quiet grove of trees and knelt down in prayer to ask God what he should do.
I also have felt somewhat like Nephi must have felt before he wrote one of the most beautiful passages in scripture. He says that he will no longer trust in the arm of man but will only trust in God whom is the rock of his salvation. He must have felt this way after feeling overwhelmed by his responsibilities and the many errors he committed. I know the feeling. I have felt let down so many times this year by those that professed to stand up for me and my rights and liberties. I have felt betrayed by those with power and influence who have promised things and shared things that I believed to be truths. I have seen firsthand lies and deceit and manipulation. I have heard of wars and rumors of wars. I have seen secret combinations leaked out and the guilty exalted and the innocent condemned.
Through all of this I continued to seek the spirit and I continued to ask God for help, truth, and direction. I have humbled myself time and time again and sought truth. I have kept my eyes open and tried to discern between truth and error, wisdom and waste. At times I have even felt as Moroni, standing on top of a mountain looking out at death and destruction. Seeing the evil surrounding him and the wickedness of the people. My heart has broken for those hurting and scared. But my heart has been healed through the atonement of Jesus Christ and I feel His power enter my heart and fill it with courage and strength!
God has blessed me with many tender mercies throughout my life and I will continue sharing them here in my blog. Just this weekend I watched as a young man was baptized and came up out of the water clean through the blood of Jesus Christ and His healing atonement and plan of salvation. I watched as tears filled my eyes as this young man looked at his mother, with her eyes brimming with love for him. It was a reminder of the power we have on this earth. It was a reminder that more good is happening every day than evil. It was another testimony to me that even though things look dark right now, Christ wins in the end! He will be victorious! That leads me into my goal for this year and my word for the year.
LOOK!
Look for Christ and you will find Him.
Look for light and your life will be filled with it.
Look for opportunities and they will be given to you.
Look to build your testimony and to grow in wisdom and it will happen.
I will look and Seek Christ this year more than ever before. I will be a witness that He lives and that we can find healing and strength in Him. I will be a testimony of His love and power. I will look to add more light into my life than darkness and fill mine and others cups to overflow.
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