So here goes.
I am reading a wonderful book right now. It's called Pregnancy, Childbirth, and your growing Latter Day Saint Family. It is a really neat book. I am really into learning and gaining knowledge. I am not talking down to anyone who is not like this, I am just saying that I get a kick out of really investigating things and getting "down to the nitty gritty" I have read sooo many books on pregnancy and childbirth and nursing. Mainly because I did a natural birth, and yes, I am doing this new one natural as well. But I can't imagine going thru the biggest "right of passage" known to woman kind and not knowing anything about it. So yes, I read, and read, and read... But this is the first book that I read from an LDS author who combines the science of birth with the spiritual aspect of birth. Hence, the reason I love it so much. Nothing is better than feeling the spirit as you learn important truths about our self, the world around us, and all other creations. I have learned a few things from this book that are already really affecting me. First and foremost, she posted a quote from Mary, the mother of Christ and I am using this quote as my motto this year. It is one that we are all familiar with...
"Behold the handmaiden of the Lord; be it unto me
according to thy word"
according to thy word"
I have been thinking about me too much with these last two pregnancies. I am not saying that I am not allowed bad days, and I am not allowed to EVER complain because that just wouldn't happen! Especially when you have pregnancies like me and you are sick for 10 MONTHS!!! seriously mom, thanks for the genes! :) I am a mother. I am fulfilling my most important role here on this earth by creating and nurturing life. I prayed for this for a very loooong time! I didn't want to be single anymore, I didn't want to be so selfish anymore, so basically I am getting exactly what I prayed for, AND what I still pray for! The other big thing I learned is the importance of adapting. People have complimented me for years on my ability to adapt to people and situations. This does not mean I adapt to a bad party, and then woman's conference! Rather I can adapt to pretty much anyone and get a long with them, and I can be comfortable in many situations, and can handle trials fairly well. Well, that has been true until the last two years. Sorry this is lengthy but let me explain why...
This was me two years ago...
And this is me now...
This was me two years ago...
Do you see the difference? It has nothing to do with the other people in the picture, or what I was wearing... well yes it does have to do with what I was wearing. A size 8 is different from a size...??? I don't know what it is in stretch pregnancy pants! And yes Hyrum is a cute little baby, and I love him and Samuel and Danny so very much, but this isn't about them, it's about me! I feel the need to defend how truly happy I am right now with the blessings the Lord has given me, but I will stop there and just pray you know that. So... back to the story. 2 years ago I was racing. I was working out, I was playing non-stop! Literally. I can't tell you how much I loved it! I mean really loved it. I love to sweat, though I am not really the sweat type, just a little above my lip like my momma. I love to really exert myself, I love to wear myself out physically. I love ENDORPHINES! oh yea! I love racing, being competitive. It's a high like no other. (though the high from labor and delivery did exceed it but in a different way) I even like pain. Crazy huh? Yea, it's kind of like Happy Gilmore where he is in the batting cage and is getting hit by the balls all the while saying "oh yea bring it on, that one hurt a little, ok, give it to me" I love pushing myself to the limits. I love being in a race and feeling like you have NOTHING left to give and then you pray, and you find a spark and then end up finishing going faster and stronger than ever. I love the shock your body goes thru when a race is over and you cry, or collapse, or just walk around in a glorious daze and then eat whatever you can get into your mouth. I started doing triathlons and fell in love and then I got into cycling because of my brother Max, my friend Charlotte, and Bob Stark. And I got a bike, a beauty, and fell in love with it... racing is awesome! I loved the training, the work-outs in the gym, on the road, in the pool, etc... When I was not racing or training for it, I was playing racquetball, off-road cycling, hiking, playing tennis, basketball, volleyball, swimming, running, playing softball, I could go on and on and on and...... Are you seeing the picture? And please, I am not exaggerating. I got proof if you want Charlotte's or Krystal's phone number. This is one of the reasons Danny married me. He loved how active I was. Nice huh, then what did he do to me!? JK!!! My life was about church, and physical highs. And to top it off I was the fittest and skinniest I had ever been. A size eight jean might not be a big deal to yall, but for me it was coming down from a 14 I had worn since high school. And even before high school when I might have been wearing something smaller than that I looked super chub! My whole life I looked chub. So to keep it off and to feel that good and energetic for a couple of years was GREAT!!! I know for a fact that one reason I gained so much weight in my first pregnancy was because of going from pre-pregnant lifestyle, to pregnant lifestyle. I tried to work out, in fact I did almost my entire pregnancy but when I say work-out I mean an hour of trying to do stuff. Most of the time I got dizzy, or faint, or barely made it to the bathroom to throw up. And I ate McDonalds french fries almost everyday for the first 5 months. I couldn't help myself! I promise! It was the only thing that made me feel better! I better understand why some do drugs now, even if for only an hour or so of relief I loved those fries! :) And things went downhill from there. Almost 80 pounds later I am due in 4 weeks with my second boy, and though extremely happy with my family and spiritual self, I am very unhappy physically. I miss the highs, I miss the energy, I miss the strong body. I really miss the muscles (I was getting really cool cuts in my quads.) hahahaha... AND so we come full circle! I need to adapt! I need to learn to be happy in the situation that I am placed in. I also need to be much better about my nutrition when I am pregnant, I am just learning all these natural cures for nauseau. Information that would have been good yesterday! And I am learning a few things that I can do for the next pregnancy so that I can live a more balanced life and not just go into pregnancy mode where I can't do anything! However, with that said I AM taking a break from being pregnant. I feel that the Lord understands my need to get some normalcy in my life again. And I think being pregnant for the last 19 of 22 months has earned me a little respite. Right? But with this break I am going to apply balance. I can hardly wait to get back into my spin classes, and running, swimming at LA Fitness. BUT I am not going to go crazy. I can't I will have two of my boys plus my sisters boy. So I obviously can't go too crazy. But I will take time out for me. And I will lose some weight, and gain energy, and eat good since that's what I do when I work-out. Eat good. Though why I can't eat good when I am not working out I don't understand. I will adapt to whatever situation I am in and I will be the handmaiden of the Lord, doing his will, and keeping my eternal self in perspective. Because when it comes down to it, the Lord truly wants us to progress to him. And that means all aspects of our lives must come together in unity. Our spirits, our physical bodies, our emotions, intellects, etc.... We must work on each part of our selves until we become whole. That in a nutshell are my thoughts for you today. I hope I didn't bore. Please leave your thoughts on the subject, I would love to know what you do for balance.
4 comments:
I don't have balance! I'm like you...seeking some time for me. I need to make it a priority. I'm also 80 pounds heavier than I was three pregnancies ago (we lost one), and unhappy with my physical self. *sigh* Here's to taking a little something for us!
Balance is sometimes a hard thing to get to when you are a mom. Just make sure you ease back into it and start slow. That way, you won't feel overwhelmed when it isn't working out the way you had hoped to. Baby steps. It is a constant challenge, one that with determination, you will arrive at. And, not that this helps, but to give you perspective...I think I finally found balance around the time Tawny joined our family:) I had it for about 5 years. Now that Anny and Derek are here, let's just say I'm finding balance all over again. Love you. You are awesome.
2 kids is balance enough for me. with a husband that travels A LOT, i have made my 'own' type of balance. a balance that seems to be working OKAY for me...NOW. hyrum is still little and still requires lots of your time, as will the new baby. i didn't have a schedule with brody, but when rigden came along, i HAD to do something...it changed EVERYTHING. i learned that i can't just 'finish off those last few bites of mac'n'cheese' or 'if i'm getting THEM a donut at walmart, i need one too' it's hard. im a sugar fanatic. it helped that my husband wanted some change too. we decided no more white flour and sugar. i don't work out NEARLY as much as i'd like. always remember, date night ONCE a week, WITHOUT children. even if it's having a picnic on the church lawn. have me time, a 1-hour walk by yourself, or a drive to walmart/target(this is a frequent). 2 kids is hard, but it's worth all us women go through. if you ever need help, i'm just down the road. plus, that will get me my baby fix! whew, that was long.
Balance has a lot to do with consistency. Whatever you think or do consistently is what you are. If you work out consistently, you are healthier than if you didn't. If you think positively consistently, you consistently see the bright side of things. Garbage in, garbage out (no energy, no drive, no happiness). You already have all that you want and need right inside of you - and the top of the list is desire. (body does what mind prefers, right?) You are almost to the end of the pregnancy - keep your chin up! It will take time to settle into a new groove and the demands on your time and energy will be more than you can imagine. Decide the things that you will do CONSISTENTLY and do them - and they will become who and what you are over time. Being healthy and physically fit is just like scripture reading... it takes time to see and feel the results of your consistency. Throw your bike on a station to hold it in place in the living room and do your reading on your bike instead of the couch. Motherhood is about finding ways to adapt and creatively make things work for self, hubby and kids. ...And let me know when you get it all figured out - I could use come hints!
You are awesome. You are doing exactly what you've been guided to do. Just keep it up and it will all work out! no pun intended.... :)
Love ya!
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